Vegan girl, it just wouldn't last

Today I saw a very attractive girl, with beautiful tattoo work, she was standing on the corner talking to people about global warming, as I got closer I noticed her "straight edge" tattoos on her arm and neck. She began talking to me about our global condition and I listened as only a man can to an attractive woman. It was about that time I said I was hungry and must go get food, when she told me about this lovely little vegan restaurant downtown. All of a sudden my fantasy world crashed around me, for she was not only a straight edge girl, straight edge being in my mind to be the equivalent of the violent morons of the punk world, but she was vegan as well. Why is that a problem? You may ask yourself. It is not that I am not open to new or different ways of life or lifestyles in general, hell if a girl is hot she's hot! I, however am a terrible person, a sick sadistic and deep down horrible human being and, at some point in our dating span, I would have no choice to slather a raw piece of meat in Jack Daniels while I smoked a cigar , mix the ashes into my alcoholic, meat blood concoction and just drink, chew, puff and generally swill it down then I would kick over the table stand on my chair and scream " MAN I COULD SURE GO FOR SOME CRACK !" I don't believe that she would be able to, or even want to see the subtle sarcasm of all this and would more than likely just stab me in the thigh. So I am sorry vegan straight edge girl, but it just wouldn't work.