Dirty minds.

Many years back, when I was in High School, (if you aren't supposed to experiment with drugs, why is it called High School?) I was dared to make a Christmas story dirty. So I told it in a suggestive way that made it seem very sick indeed, not that that foul holiday needed any help but it was fun at any rate. Now, many, many years later, I have had time to hone my pervy craft to the keenest of blades. In fact, my friends and I have set out on a several year mission to find the dirtiest phrases and place them into conversation in a humorous way. The effect is that this act renders the word less dirty and more humorous, to a few people at least. You will always have that one person that believes booger or fart are filthy words and would go into a coma if say, dog in a bathtub or rusty trombone were explained to them. I am no George Carlin but I feel that to master the the English language and the vast humor that lies within, you must understand the worst parts of it. Dirty words and phrases are a very important part of that and they are, as a group, the most unchanged yet evolved speech we have. One of the biggest problems I have had on stage in the past was the fact that I would say something, something that wasn't dirty or shocking to me and the audience would go numb for a bit. However, if given time, more than three lousy minute, I could turn them around and make them feel sick for laughing at my bad person thoughts. Sadly, in doing this, I found I was not educating people. I was being called a shock comic, I was being grouped with Howard Stern and his ilk. I was saddened by this in a rare showing of emotion. I told an audience that being funny wasn't funny anymore and I walked off stage for a few years. I hope to get back up there in the next couple of years, write some more stuff and give it another try. See if people can grow up and deal with my dementia. I think I am just writing this because last night my girlfriend told me she fully expected me to go insane some day. She thinks it's weird that I laugh uncontrollably at things in my head. My friend Marty gets it but I think he believes I lost my mind years ago. I just hope, one day, I find the connection in verbiage I am looking for. Dirty words are people too.