Toilet paper pets.

I had a thought the other day. Some of my friends and I were discussing activists like the ones on that show Whale Wars or those people you see at Green Peace rallies. These people take saving animals to an extreme, placing themselves in the line of fire so they can save a creature or two. Standing on a dingy between a spear gun and a mammal that forgot to evolve, leave the ocean and buy a digital watch (Thank you Douglas Adams), chaining themselves to trees to save a habitat and, I am sure, we have all seen the anti-fur protesters outside of your local Macy's, picketing and releasing Patchouli fumes into our ozone. It is these anti-fur folks that I have the biggest problem with. Not because of their tactics or motives but the fact that they are avoiding the most obvious play on their activist chessboard. So listen hippies and listen well, I will only explain this to you once.
The plan is simple. Go into the forest, find an cute, fuzzy animal that you wish to keep safe and vested and wipe it slowly across your anus. Yes you read it write, unless you're dyslexic, place that beloved, woodland critter betwixt your scrawny, fetid cheeks and give it a good knuckle drag and twist.
What is the purpose? If you can't guess, it's pretty simple. No up and coming parvenu would be caught wearing the skin of beast that was repeatedly raked on ones rectum (damn near killed 'um. that one is for my friends). Instead these people would be forced to move on to a more feces free cloth. Faux, non-pooped on fur springs to mind. If you have ever been in your bathroom, cleaning it after a party and discovered a strange looking scrunchy of toilet paper that seems to have a brown streak evident on its surface, you will remember the level three Haz-Mat containment devices you broke out to deal with it. Now picture wrapping said TP wad around your neck and wearing it to the regatta.
So come on hippies, start snatching and wiping. Sure you may get bitten or scratched. Maybe you will catch the rabies. Really thought, isn't that a small price to pay for the safety of a species? I say no. Now the simple fact that I am not in league with the activists, I do not condone nor disapproves of their actions, you may wonder what stake I have in all this. It's simple really. Watching a bunch of hippies get mauled by wild animals they are trying to shove into their cracks would be really funny and the videos would sell more that Girls Gone Wild and Bum Fights combined.

Here is a slogan:

Dependence on fur will surely shrink, just wipe your ass with a mink.