my reoccurring nightmare.
Until I wrote that stuff about 80"s music, I didn't really think about this nightmare I have. It happens a couple times a year and it wakes me up with a heart pounding shock. It usually happens around late Summer to Fall, when the weather really starts to change and it goes like this.
I wake up from a dead sleep. Damn it, I already know I am late. I hurry to get dressed, search for food, no good, no food in sight. I burst through the door and run. It is snowing and very cold outside, the wind is smashing against my skin and it feels like a slap from a frozen, leather glove. In the distance I can see the waining lights of a bus. I am too late, I can not make it to school on time... That is when I wake up for real.
Like I said, I have this dream every year since I graduated from school. It wasn't that strange to me when I was in my twenties and pretty freshly out of the mind prison, known as public school. However now, I am in my mid-thirties. It has been over seventeen years since I left the doors of the childhood conformity machine behind me. So now it has really began to bother me that I have nightmares about missing my school bus. How deep of a trench did school leave on my psyche? If a non-conformist, semi-anarchistic, nihilist such as myself is so imprinted from that time in my life. What is it like for people with more classical mindsets? Am I to be forever imprinted, even in a minute way, to fear being late for the things so many fear being late for? Fact is that I never learned that much in school, sure I remember stuff that was pounded into my head year after year but that all amounts to a few state capitols and a couple Presidents. School was just so structured, slow and boring. I wanted to be out experiencing things and living, what they call "daydreaming", instead of crapping my youth away in a robot factory. So I stand by the thought that school is for stupid people and smart people just learn on their own. I escaped at every opportunity and My friends and I would go drink, play video games, try to pick up chicks, or just do nothing (acid) for hours, anything to not be in school. So I felt, for a time, that I beat that system but now, as I get older and the nightmares continue, I realize that the imprint is there. I have been forever scarred by the school system. Part of me will always believe that fitting in, being part of the crowd and being quiet is the only road to happiness. Well screw that. The next time I have one of these dreams, I will try to fold it over into another dream. "Oh no, I missed my bus", I will say. Then a flying Winnebago will land nearby and a beautiful and buxom woman will offer me a ride to school, if I want I can warm myself up in the hot tub fulla bitches, which is next to the pool. I will agree but say that I don't need to be at school today and tell them about a nice little island in the Boundary Waters that we should check out, where it is always warm and there is a high end wet bar. Hey, it's my dream after all.
3 comments:
Years ago in gym class I had a phy-ed instructor named Roger with an enormous outie belly button and a gargantuan beer gut. Invariably he would wear overly tight shirts. I caught him one time in his office after gym, needing to ask him a question. He was in his office chair, feet on the desk, eyes closed with concentration, mouth slack with a kind of focused ecstasy, fingering his belly button like an over sized man teet, sitting up abruptly as I entered his office. This scares me even today and occasionally I have flashbacks.
I still have nightmares about school too. I'm sitting there surrounded by idiots and listening to the chief idiot, and I'm thinking to myself, "Why am I wasting my life? Why am I listening to my mother?" Then I wake up with a terrible headache and feel sick for a couple days.
I did have one teacher who was fairly intelligent there in the Hibbing 'tard academy and that was Dale Gibbs (I'm pretty sure that was his name). A smart guy who was actually respectful of true intelligence. As opposed to nearly everyone else there, who were frightened by intelligence. I often found myself wishing I didn't already know everything he was teaching everybody else, and I tried to imagine learning that basic science from a teacher. Pretty much everybody else in that school would have been better used as shark chum, landfill, compost, etcetera.
I just skipped class and went to the library, because I was determined to learn something there.
The standard brain-set don't really comprehend how irritating it is to be around them. I've tried to explain it to them, but it's like trying to explain something to a tree -- a very stupid and irritating tree.
...of course then there are the nightmares of the freaks, geeks, psychos & weirdos or any combo of those (some, at least one of which, I still call close friend) who rode through the lovely 'rural' bus route in the dark depths on the back of said bus....
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