Damn you WE network

It was 2:30 AM and I was up, couldn't sleep, lazily flipping through the channel guide on my tv when something caught my eye. A show called "Transgender women in prison". I thought that sounded like a winner, figuring, since it was on that late it was probably one of those poorly acted and edited, soft core pornos that used to be run on "USA: Up all night" back in the late 80's. Regretfully, I did not take notice of the channel on which this movie was being broadcast. It was not on USA, Spike, The CW, TNT or even Telemundo. No, it was on the Womens Entertainment network and, also to my chagrin, it wasn't even a movie but a documentary about the lives of transgender inmates. How appauling. Here I am, bored out of my mind at 2:30 in the morning, thinking I have scored a late night BDSM flick that has been edited for content, which makes them, oh so funny, yet, there I was, faced with the horrors of a chickumentary that was like watching an episode of "Lock up, Raw" but everyone in it hated their birth genitals. Granted, when I realized the ow humor value of the show, I moved on. I would have taried a while if, say, a mustachioed gaurd holding a fire hose, would have, at any time walked up to a cell and said, "shower time ladies, get those uniforms off", then he licks his lips as if drooling. I am not kidding, that scene is in every movie of the "in prison/ in chains" genre. That is one of the things that makes them so beautiful to watch. So I will just say, I was saddened and disappointed, so I went back to the menu and reactivated my thumbs search for anything to relieve my ennui. Suddenly something else caught my eye and it looked like a winner. "Confessions of a go go dancer". "Hooray" I though, this one had to be a video nasty, with all the nasty spliced out. I immediately highlighted the selection, pressing the enter button, hand trembling in anticipation of getting to see a woman, strung out on cocaine and her ever budding hatred for the male gender as she grings her hips and breast on the body of a woman that she only ever thought of as a friend, until the night her no good, drunk, abusive boyfriend smacked her up a bit and left her crying on the couch, the slightest drip of blood on her quivering lip. Seriously, you gotta watch these movies, it is always like that. Well, the channel comes on and what do I get? Some "more than just friends" girl on girl dancing? No. How about a scene where a bad ex boyfriend gets hit by his ex girlfriend who stole his car out of the garage? Nope. Anything good and sexually and mentally degrading in any way? No. What I did get was a show about a girl that became a go go dancer to pay the bills and then her life went down the toilet and she went to therapy to figure it all out and blah, blah, blah. Boring. I went back to the channel guide and low and behold, I was on the Oxygen network.

So, in conclussion of this story I would just like to say this. Damn you womens entertainment networks of the world. Your misleading titles are ruining television for the surly, latenight viewer with an eye for the depraved, class C movie. Is it funny to you? Some kind of joke? You are ruining the lives of men and women everywhere that can't abide soft core movies unless they have been hacked to bits by an editor with one eye and Parkinsons disease. I know everyone loves when a woman is ripped out of her prison jump suit, hit in the face with delousing powder as three female guard approach her and they say something to the effect of " Let's get you cleaned up and, all of a sudden, there is a horrible jump cut and the same inmate is crying in her cell, the only evidence of any mistreatment is the utter lack of lice. These are the moment fans of crappy movies live for and you had to go and ruin them womens entertainment networks. Well I say damn you, damn you, damn you, damn you all to Hell.

Just had to get that off my chest.

Oh yeah, that's another one. When the sexy lady warden says to the hot prison yard snitch, " Is there something you want to get off your chest?" then she touches the snitches shoulder and rubs her tits, or twirls the snitches hair. If the warden is a man, he will usually smell her hair and the snitch will look down at the ground, to timid to say anything.