On to the Anti-Christ.

I have been hearing a lot of thingy about the Anti-Christ lately. You know, people saying that Obama is the Anti-Christ because he is a political figure, was unknown up until recently and was born in Hawaii. Apparently the AC is supposed to come from the water and I guess that implies Hawaii. Well, I decided to research this Anti-Christ business to help smooth it all out for you, my readers.

I began my research in the Bible. I was using a King James Bible because it is the most popular version in our country. Being that deciphering the Bible can be a mind numbing and tedious task, I grabbed myself a little glass of bourbon to help me relax. Two hours and a lot of bourbon later I was researching my television, face it, the Bible may be the greatest story ever told but it is really lacking in gunfights car chases and cleavage. I actually think that adding these very things to the Bible would dramatically increase church goership. The Ten Commandments was a pretty successful movie but if the Pharaoh had been played by Steve McQueen in a 1970 Boss 302. It would have been tha much better and instead of all those shawls and birkas, how about Rossario Dawson showing a little sweaty slave girl boobage? Maybe a velociraptor or two for dramatic tension. That could only make it better. Now I realize that is all far fetched but Hollywood can do some amazing CG stuff these days and, as I had been reading through all that wacky "Beast rising from the ocean" stuff, what I wrote didn't sound as far fetched at the time.

Now back to my research. Originally I was pretty sure that the Anti-Christ was Namor, the Sub-Mariner. After all he comes from the ocean and does have a lot of power, also he is reletively unknown, not like that flashy Aqua-man. Then I realized that he doesn't have any really powerful religious figure to help him control the world and the Anti-Christ needs that. I actually believe that his tag line "Sub-Mariner" either meens he is a gay bottom to a Navy navigator or, he delivers sandwiches in Atlantis for a living. It's hard to say, the Sub in Sub-Mariner could have several different definitions. One thing is for sure though, he donned the first faux-hawk.

More booze, more TV and suddenly I had a feeling that Higgins from Magnum P.I. was the Anti-Christ. He had his hell hounds, Zues and Apollo. A secret identity, Robin Masters. He lives in Hawaii, from the ocean. He rode in a flying demon, TC's chopper. It was all coming together. Then I realized that he also, did not have a strong religious leader to help him on his way to power.

I decide that I alone could not get to the bottom of this mystery so I gave up and ate an Ego in my hands, no plate, bourbon does that to a man. Then I fell asleep on the couch. Research done. Booze gone. Bible in the fireplace along with a stuffed Garfield window sticky and someones hat. God I love a good whiskey.