On the topic of babies.

I decided I had to chime in on this subject. The other day I walked into the break room at work and witnessed a circle of men and women surrounding one of the guys from the warehouse, shaking his hand and congratulating him. I edged closer to see what the big deal was. A promotion? a new car? A firmer penis in just five weeks? No. none of them. The big deal that he was accepting the kudos for was simply this, his wife was pregnant. Upon making this discovery I quickly tried to excuse myself from the room, knowing that, if I did not escape, I would be confronted with the rosy shouldered sperm donor. I did not escape, instead I was moved toward this man. He looked at me, expecting me to express my awe at his accomplishment. "My wife's pregnant", he said sappily. "Really?", I replied, "I brought a hoagie for lunch". There was suddenly a silence in the room, the kind of silence that is almost loud. Then some glares and uncomfortable laughter and then I was out of the room. I thought I had escaped but I was wrong. Later that day I realized that I was getting sneared at by a few of the local clucking hen party. I asked a friend if he knew why and he told me that I was very rude about the pregnancy news. Okay, i do not feel I was rude and I make no apologies for what I said. The fact is that people have been having babies for a while now, actually since the dawn of man I would venture. Maybe nine months after the dawn of man anyway. In fact, next to breathing and pooping, making babies may be the next easiest thing for a person to do. I don't congratulate people on eating or drinking water, that is, unless they eat the worlds biggest sandwich, then I might be inspired to cheer for them. Pregnancy though, that takes no skill, no training of body or mind and no education. In fact, babies are usually formed from an accident and that accident usually involves alcohol. If you can do it drunk and it doesn't involve balancing, it is not deserving of a slap on the back. Now, I would congratulate the mother but not because she was pregnant but after she had the kid, that is impressive. Think of the biggest dump you've ever taken, multiply it by fifteen and imagine it had shoulders and screamed, that is impressive. But there is no way I am gonna congratulate the guy. He did the easiest job in the world and he wants to be recognized for it? Screw him, oh way to dunk that cookie in milk Edger, here's a cigar. Dumb. I think it is way more difficult to go through life and not have a baby. I congratulate my friends when they don't impregnate anyone or anything. I think I will start throwing a yearly party. a "Hey you didn't have a baby" shower. With adult beverages and no stupid footy pajamas, unless that is what the strippers choose to wear to the party.