I will now answe a question.
In answer to a question from Marty, in which he wondered why priests couldn't seem to stop molesting children, I went straight to the horses mouth, as it were. I called up a catholic bishop, who wished not to be recognized, about the problem. Here I will transcribe our phone conversation.
JB: Well, first thank you very much for meeting with me today.
B: Not a problem, glad to do it, I hope you don't mind me saying this but you have a voice like a long shoreman, I bet you have a muscular throat.
JB: No, no that is fine, I hear that alot when I go fishing at the docks, thank you. Now, to the point of this little chat. Why do you suppose it is that these cases of child molestation, persist in the church?
B: That is a really good question, yet very hard to answer. You may be able to date it back to the omitting of the dead sea scrolls from the bible, you see the same people responsible for that, also omitted the holy book of Nambla...
JB: The book of Nambla? Fascinating, I've never heard of it.
B: Most people haven't, it was the book that got rid of that old, be fruitful and become many, statement. The old testament was becoming passe but the old, breeder christians didn't want to go along with the changing face of the religion, so they buried it instead.
JB: So the book of Nambla supported child sodomy?
B: Oh yes very much so, we have, infact, discovered a few lost proverbs.
JB: Fascinating, could you quote some?
B: Yes gladly. Lo it is written, be their moss on the young sapling, then pluck thine fruit. Also you have, Old enough to bleedeth, old enough to breedeth. My favorite id the parable of a man who took some youths to a chariot race, he has this basket of popped rice and he cut a hole in the bottom of the basket and...
JB: I am afraid I must cut you short there, sir, I am very sorry. I am intersted in the historical significance of the lost bible books but our interview time is nearly up and I am afraid I must push you for a bit of further insight. The book of Nambla aside, why else do you think that the molestation continues?
B: Well, because those little kids are just so sexy, with their baby fat and the dirty, come hither to my choir chamber eyes. Oh if I had a jar of warm marmalade, a fishing net, and a good strong leather belt, i would sleep for a week after I got done with my ma........
JB: Hello, Bishop, Hello... Well I seem to have lost my connection.
Well that was all I could get out of the bishop, I think I can safely say that the answer to why they can't stop molesting children is because they are dirty perverts who have been raping kids for years and they hadn't been getting caught for so long it escalated, like things do if the are not stopped. If we put our heads together and find an efficient way to kill all of these freaks, then the problem will decline. Child molesters should die, end of debate, no prison, no hospital, just a kick in the balls and a bullet in the back of the head. That is just my opinion though.
5 comments:
holy shit Joe... how do you come up with this stuff "there moss on the young sapling, then pluck thine fruit. " lol funny as hell.. Aside from that I absolutely believe that child molesters should take a bullet to the brain, then over 75% of the Catholic church will be without priests or so said leaders but who the fuck cares. It has to stop, its really aggravating to read that this "wonderful" branch of Christianity is known for protecting their fellowship after finding out of their nasty secrets and instead of throwing the violators to the dogs they instead just move them to another church away from the victims and slap their hands.. then again, who knows they probably get rewards and graded on how discrete and long they can molest these children without anyone finding out... Sick fucks.
Great post Joe. That was damn funny!
8this is my dads idea of what to do with child molesters and rapists.
first find an old garage, barn, pole barn ect... anything made out of old dry wood. second, if not installed put in a brand new bench vise, a nice big one. third, take said offender, priest, clowm, vain egomaniacal pop star, and sinch his scrotal sack, testicles and all into the big bench vise. fourth, give said offender a nice dull rusty straight razor that has been thoroughly rubbed down with boubonic plague rats. fifth take a walk outside and light the fucker up. he has a choice. we are not total barbarians.
M~*
also i forgot to put this in. after you sinch up the vise, remove the handle, had to come back and put that in. you know the devil is in the details.
M~*
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