A set of holidays for all to enjoy.

Xymxl recently pointed out to we, as americans, really never celebrate the most important days of the year. I am refering to the end of the prohibition era. Really, what changed my life more than being able to get booze? Not much. Of course I can tell you, I haven't always been a legal drinker, Marty, me and a bottle of Southern Comfort was pretty much my highschool years in a nutshell. Skipping out on highschool to go swig a few shots of cheap vodka at Thads place, sneaking into Dans dads liquor cabinet to pilfer his scotch. Sure we were underage, sure we skipped school to drink, sure people called us hooligans but really, we were patriots... and, truth be known, hooligans but patriots too, you can't deniy that. Mabye we weren't the proper age to be drinking, mabye we were criminals in the eyes of the world, or mabye we were showing our tribute to an age old american tradition, booze running. Think about it, the spirit of the original moonshiners in our country, could it not be that their spirit was living on through us? If Joseph Smith could say angels were translating texts in his hat, or Tom Cruise can believe and openly discuss his big, fat, crazy beliefs, well then I can talk about mine. If you think about holidays, america kinda comes up short, most of them are from the old world and really don't hold any meening for the people of the country. Christmas, the day Jesus was born? Well, no not exactly, christian cover up for germanic pagan holiday? yes indeedy. Easter, the day Jesus was resurrected? No, sorry, christian cover up of gaelic pagan holiday? Yepper. I have already written about the lies behind St. Patricks Day. What does America really have? New Years Day, oh come on, are we really celebrating the fact that the Earth orbits the Sun? That is just retarded, we may as well celebrate wind. Presidents Day? The special day in America when all the mattresses go on sale. Columbus Day? Hey everyone, give a native smallpox and Syphallis day is here, hooray. Martin Luther King Day, can't have too many roads named after you. Well now I am going to set it straight, a good old pair of american holidays, that we can celebrate every year. I am sure that some small percentage of the populace does recognize these days but we should all work to make them national. First you have March 23rd, this day is imortant because it marks the 1933 signing into law of the Cullen-Harrison bill, which made the production and sale of 3.2 beer legal. This day should be celebrated with beer, I am open to names for the day, infact, let's have a competition, send me the best name for this holiday and you win naming a national holiday, that should be enough, don't get greedy. Now 3.2 beer is something I will not drink but I never claimed to be a purist, if you wish to celebrate by swilling down bladder blasting corner store Budweisers, then you do just that, I will go with something a bit more flavorful but the spirit is there. If we never got the right to brew 3.2 , we wouldn't be able to get the 8.5s and 10.6s that I prefer. The next day we celebrate is the big one, it falls on December 5th and marks the ratification of the 21st amendment, which repealed the 18th. This made the production of wines and spirits legal again and made life, just a little bit more, let's say, liveable. December 5th will be the another official national holiday and we will get bonko blitzed on everything, from high end whiskeys to low end corn piss. I need you to name this day too, another competition, yay. I will now announce the begining of the group that will usher in the new world. I call it The Anti-Temprance League of America. The ATLA is all about what I am all about, I think I can sum it up like this. You know what all those mormons, menonites and puritans believed in? Well, the opposite of that. i think that is pretty clear. The ATLA is just getting started now, if you would like to help get it rolling, you know how to reach me. I haven't got the membership package figured out quite yet but I am sure you will all at least be eager to snap up one of our T-shirts once they come into production. Until then, good health and good drinkin'.