A very good question indeed.

Joe V. from Minneapolis, asked me this:

Is it harder to be a "Joe" than say being a Bob, Jim or Steve? Are all Joe's cursed at birth with such a common name...?

Well Joe let me tell you that, yes, for certain, it is harder for us to be Joes than any other common usage name on the world today. Oh sure you will have the nay sayers, the guys who think that their name was vilified, well I will tell them they never even had it bad. First of all I dare you to show me another name that rhymes with so many other common words and phrases, you just can't do it. Ben, so what, you get Ben Dover, childs play. Phil McCrackin, so what. Fartin Martin, big deal. All the names are childs play, you want a list, here's a list. Joe Shmoe, Joe Blow, Slow Joe, Joe Joe from Kokomo, so Joe what d'ya know, I could go on but I ain't gonna. Then you have songs, alright, if your name is Jenny, you most likely hate the number 8675309 but come on now, "Hey Joe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand"? absolutely everyone in the world knows this song and to this day, when I meet people, one out of every three is damn lucky I don't have a gun in my hand. The worst part of the name is the fact that it is used so often to describe the common man, Good Joe, Average Joe, Joe Sixpack, Joe Doakes, Ordinary Joe and don't forget Joe Doe, which describes an extremely average unidentifiable person, someone of, more than John Doe averageness. That, I believe, is what gets me the most. My name is Joe and I am, as my friends will testify, one of the strangest people in the world. Joe V. who wrote in his question not an average person, in fact all the Joes I know and hang out with, have very little in common and tend to be very individualistic. Now, mabye it is the stigma of the name, we carry it as we grow up and we want to shake it off so, we lash out. We strive as Joes, not to be ordinary, not to be typecast in the world. Mabye we become so creative, act so different, try so hard to be individuals, because we grow up with people just calling us regular Joes. That could be the fact I suppose, or, try this, mabye the government is trying to keep Joes down because they have heard about our awesome genitals. Oh yes ladies, gentlemen, not so much, if I am an average Joe and I have genitals this, I believe the word is, godlike, then no wonder the man is tryin to keep us down and make us feel average. No wonder indeed. You see, the real "average guy", is just that, average and he is scared that you are gonna ruin his life, Joes of the world, by exposing your glorious endowments to the people, especially the women and go and make those poor fellas feel all insignificant. Well Joes of the world, I say unite, spread the word and the word is genitals. Pass this message around, let other Joes know, plan a rally, have a bake sale, go to a church picnic and show everyone present your empyrean genitalia. Yes, watch them gaze in awe of your otherworldly organ, see them recognize now that there is no average Joe, just Big Joe Bollucks the the guy who whips it out in church to make the statues cry, AKA. Mr. Mammoth Pants. That's right go, do it now, go show the world your genitals, you know you want to.




P.S. If this actually works on anyone, most likely, I have just got an Unnecessary Joe or two off the street, arrested, mabye even killed. This is my way of dropping the national stupid Joe average and building up the average Joe curve so no Tom, Dick or Harry can measure up. I just realized that, even though I stopped writing genital jokes, I still somehow wrote at least three in that first sentence. Good night, hope I anwered your question Joe, if you're still with us that is.