Our new national mascot.

I just heard that the Bald Eagle has been taken off of the endangered species list and I gotta say, well, darn it, that makes me so happy. The numbers finally went up and I am tickled pink about it. Finally we can drop that ridiculous bird as our national mascot. Come on, it doesn't fit in at all really anyway. Our country needs a new mascot and since we chose new Wonders of the World, why not a new mascot? I always did like the Turkey, as did Thomas Jefferson but many people thought it wasn't noble enough for our homeland. I suspect many people just preferred the idea of eating turkey at thanksgiving over eagle, I don't know why, I would love to eat eagle it just has to be better than loon and I love loon. i think some people thought the turkey was too slow or stupid but if you have ever hunted wild turkey you would know better. They are wily bastards and no question. Hunting eagle is simple, tape dynamite to a fish and just wait. Eagles are stupid and would attack a burning, explosive fish. So what I was thinking was that we could drop the whole Bald Eagle motif and go to a suiting and stereotypically American animal for our new national mascot. First off it would have to be something that is scared easily, a bit paranoid, maybe a church mouse. That won't work because they are quiet and this is a loud country so a loud animal is in order. How about a rutting buffalo? Can't get much more American than a buffalo with an erection now can you? Yes, I suppose you could, buffaloes are notoriously passive and we are a really fighty bunch in this country, a badger is a mean little bugger, so that might work. OH damn, badgers are only territorial and don't go outside their area looking for fights. That gives us Panda Bears, they will walk for hundreds of miles to start a fight with another panda bear but they are Asian in origin so they really only represent a small percentage of our country, we need something more encompassing. We need a mascot for our country that says it all about us. We need an animal that sums up our country nice and tight. You know what would be a good mascot? An angry chimpanzee with a coke habit and an almost sexual desire to huck feces at people as he passed and he would be in a car with an older guy that drove him around the country and they could get into all kinds of trouble but they always get away with what they do because the older guy knows a ton of rich people. That's it our new country mascot is....B.J. and the Bear on crack. If you look hard at our current administration I bet you could even find some decent models for our new flag.