Further Questions Answered.

DJ from CA has sent me a little question, possibly in the hopes of stumping me. The question is this.

"Would you or wouldn't you dip your balls in it?"

Ah, good one. If any of you are fans of comedy as I am, then perhaps you understand the origins of this question. Mtv had a show in the early nineties called The State and on that show, there was a guy named Louie that would come into a scene and talk about dipping his balls in things. The State was and still is one of the funniest sketch comedy shows that has come out of North America. You can also watch Upright Citizens Brigade and Kids in the Hall, The State is right there with them.

That isn't really an answer but what DJ asked brought me to a line of thought I had not approached before. Would I dip my balls in it? In what exactly? I accept that we are referring to my testicles when we say balls and that is a touchy area...drum roll please. There are many things I wouldn't dip my balls in and several things I would, circumstances depending. For instance, balls in battery acid? No way! To save the life of a loved one then? Again, no way! You got into that mess, you get out of it. Would I dip them in a vat of Smucker's jam? Well, possibly but not around a swarm of fire ants but naked in the midst of a swarm of hypoglycemic strippers? You betcha. I can take something else from The State and say I would definitely dip my balls in two hundred forty dollars worth of pudding. I can honestly say that I have no clear answer for this one DJ, there are just so many options and free radicals.

Another thought did occur to me however. Years ago I was at a friends house and his children were playing in the front yard, I know this is starting horrible but bear with me. Anyway, his kid and a neighbor kid were both coveting a Tonka truck that his kid was currently playing with. My buddies wife called the kid in to the house for some reason and that is when this strangeness happened. My friends kid dropped his pants and placed his balls on the Tonka truck, then, just as fast, pulled his pants back up and walked into the house. The neighbor kid did not touch the truck, in fact, he seemed to lose all interest. I have now realized that men base ownership on ball proximity. Think I am wrong? Try the equation. Your balls + a person or object = your stuff. It is as simple as that. here are some easy ones, your favorite chair, it is yours and it is constantly in indirect contact with your balls when you are home. Ever notice how men are more in touch with were their keys are than their wallets? Keys go in the front pocket, wallet in the back. I know this will be misconstrued as sexist but I gotta say it. Men are very protective of their girlfriends, almost territorial, well hey let's face it, guys put their balls on their girlfriends. That's the point of having a girlfriend. I know you may laugh or be offended but try both and just enjoy the reality that I have given you. frankly I don't think anything in my office hasn't been touched by my balls. Go ahead, break in, steal my stuff and live the rest of your sad, pathetic life with my balls on your hands.

Good night and good ballin'