Legalize it.

First of all I am no pot head, sure I enjoy Frisbee golf and video games but I am not high when I play them. I have, of course, had my past run ins with marijuana but I never really found it to my liking. I wasn't ever a real drug guy, always felt that booze was more my tastes. That being said, I am going to have to go on the record as saying that I want marijuana legalized. Not just because then we would make hemp growing legal and hemp is one of the most versatile plants known to man. Not because of many of my smoker friends that I worry will one day be put into prison on some trumped up charge over a harmless form of foliage. Not, I say, not even because of the fact that the pot industry could revitalize our failing national economy. Yes all of these reasons are valid but I have something more important in mind. I want pot to be legalized so I can open a four story high pot and hash bar/store, the proceeds of which would be used to make me filthy, stinking, pig rich. That is right, I want to monopolize a large, downtown area, maybe in Portland and use MJ to make perverse amounts of cash. Pot is a gateway drug of course and that gateway is thirteen feet high, twenty five feet wide and has the name "Bjorklund" on the front in silver and gold lettering. Behind that gateway is a lawn, plush, thick, green, like the money that was raised through the selling of so called narcotics, which are also green. Follow the lawn to the edge of a patio, a patio that is attached to a nice little, non-assuming, two story colonial made from the tusks of one thousand elephants and the skeleton of a slain titan. With a platinum and ivory shingle pattern, which would be a blinding affront to all the gods of Olympus, ( I don't mind pissing off those wussy Greek gods). The spine of the house narrows until ends in the gaping jaws of Cerberus's three severed heads. These heads drool the blood of all the souls of hell from their putrid mouths and, as the blood flows it turns to the purest water which fills the one hundred yard twenty foot deep swimming pool. Who is in that swimming pool? I bet you can guess. That's right, my bitches, the sexiest ones, hand picked from every country except France, we don't need hair clogging my drains. So come on ladies and gents, legalize it, you can help make the dreams of a poor old megalomaniac from Minnesota come true and I think that is reason enough.