The Gamblers advice isn't that good.
I know it's an old tune but Kenny Rogers, "The Gambler"' is still pretty popular as far as country music goes. I have heard this song every now and then, since my childhood but up until last night, it really never hit me. This guy doesn't really know what he is talking about. The advice he gives about gambling is absurd. I am not sure what card game he's discussing in the song but I really don't think it's poker, even though that is what they try to make you think. I am now going to dissect some of these points to show you what I mean. Fist of all these guys are "on a train bound for nowhere", which is apparently pointing to the fact that they are both destitute and probably not playing a very high stakes game. They are staring out the window and so bored that they decide to speak to each other. That is the first verse but in the second verse they are playing cards because that's when the Gambler says,"If you don't mind me sayin', I can see you're out of aces". Right there I have a problem with this Gambler fellow, poker is not a game about the accumulation the same kind of card, such as aces, it is about having the better hand all around. Now, saying, I can see you're out of aces", makes me think that these guys were on a train playing Go Fish, it wouldn't have sounded right if the words were, "If you don't mind me fishin' I can see you're out of aces", fits in there pretty well though doesn't it? Also, in that same verse, the Gambler does say that he has made his life."out of readin' peoples faces", once again I will point out that he is broke on a train of which he does not know the destination. That is about when this broke ass Gambler guy bums some whiskey off of the other guy. What kind of mooching gambler is this anyway?
Then we get to the real good stuff, the guy hands the Gambler his bottle of booze and the he finishes it off. That is just rude, everyone knows that drinker etiquette always gives the owner of the bottle the last swig. Now, the bottle is already pretty much empty, which means that the guy is probably really, really drunk and didn't need that last swig anyway but I think it was still thoughtless to drink it anyway. The Gambler probably even did that thing that real drunks do when a bottle is dry and let it sit, upturned on his tongue, just for that last drop to ooze out. It doesn't stop there though, because then he has the gall to bum a cigarette! What a moochy mooching moocher. This is the verse, also, when the Gambler tells the guy that he will give him poker advice. This is the equivalent of taking hair care advice from Telly Savalis.
"You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em". This is something that every real bad poker player likes to say when they are on the winning side of a bad beat, say they stay in 'til the river card and get their full house when the whole time you were sitting on a flush and betting high. It's a line that has caused more bloody noses than the Ebola virus. Then he says you never count money at the table, well, how the hell are you supposed to know if you are in a force out position if you don't know how much money you have?
"Now every gambler knows that the secret to survivin' Is knowin what to throw away and knowing what to keep.". Duh, that is how you play poker, you don't need to be a freakin' pro gambler to know that if you are sitting on nine, king, three, seven, jack unsuited, that you are most likely not gonna win this hand there hotshot. The song goes on" cause every hands a winner and evry hands a loser, And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep."???What? Die in your sleep, that's the best that you can hope for? Not a big castle and a pool fulla bitches? If the best you can hope for is to die quietly in your slumber, you sir, suck at poker. Then the Gambler falls asleep and dies! that is it, he cacks in his sleep, right there in the train car. What the hell is this all about? It makes no sense, for decades people have been acting like this song is some kind of spirit connection to the odds gods of gambling Olympus and it's really just about a mooching bum with a ticky heart, that doesn't even know were the hell he is going and he just wants to die in his sleep. A good card player would never take his advice but I do not mind sitting across the table from people who do. I need their money for my pool idea. Gotta live the dream baby, gotta live the dream.
1 comment:
I think “you’re out of aces” is just a colloquial metaphor for, “you suck” or “sux to be you”.
As for the “reading peoples faces” line, I’m pretty sure you heard it wrong, It was actually, “I’ve made my life out of reading peoples feces”. He wasn’t a bum, he was a bumoligist, you know, a butt doctor.
And he didn’t say, “I see you’re out of aces”, but rather, said, “I see you’re out of Amebiasis”.
What are some of the exciting symptoms you can expect? Glad you asked. They include the following and much more: Amebiasis can cause both intraluminal and disseminated disease. In the intestinal lumen, E. histolytica can disrupt the protective mucus layer overlying the colonic mucosa. The resulting epithelial ulcerations can bleed and cause colitis, usually two to six weeks after initial infection. Acute progression to malaise, weight loss, severe abdominal pain, profuse bloody diarrhea, and fever can occur, often leading to a misdiagnosis of appendicitis, especially in children. In chronic smoldering cases, inflammatory bowel disease can be misdiagnosed, and treatment with steroids only exacerbates the infection.
I’m sure a poo technician would hope to die in his sleep. Because you know what happens when you die in your sleep, right? You poop your pants. Every gambler knows that. And every gambler is counting on their feces making it into the final rounds and very likely being used as “night soil” starting the whole darn process again.
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