Damn it!

So the morning news once again hands me evidence of my failure. This morning I woke up feeling mountain fresh and well rested, calm as the Buddha, I flick on the morning news and what do I get? Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize. Damn it! Once again, I didn't win and, as usual, the committee didn't even have the decency to tell me to my face or even call. It's just like the last two Nobel Prize's I was up for. What is so hard about calling? I don't get it. Can't they afford just one call from Oslo? Cheapskates! And what did Gore win for? Making people aware of global warming, how hard is that? I am aware of temperature change every time I go out side, big deal. What about my Waffles for the Homeless initiative? That is years ahead of it's time. Not only does it supply a well balanced food supply to the homeless, you also can throw them like frisbee discs at the homeless to brighten your day. It's win-win, you go to work happy and relaxed, maybe with an anecdote about how one bum jumped high in the air and caught the waffle with his/her teeth and the bums are well fed and carbed up for a days panhandling. This feels just like last year when that young go getter, Roger Kornberg, won with his little DNA coding blahdeblah. I think many people on the board felt that my 'subatomic destabilization and acceleration of Mentos particles in a Diet Coke field', thesis was far more enlightening. As usual though, the award follows the money and let me tell you, it's no surprise to see a biology professor driving a half million dollar McCleren. And of course I must revisit my 2004 disgrace at the hands of Linda Buck and Richard Axel, when they used shameless sex and blackmail to surpass my attempt at taking the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine, with my discovery of the Hot/Crazy gene in women. Well that's about all I can take, one more shot next year. But if my paper, 'Straight Pimpin, Saving the economy through prostitution', doesn't win the Economics catagory, well then I am just done.