I have a cold
Okay, okay, so my vacation was cut short, I am back and I have a cold. I am now living in one of North Americas most stable and predictible climates and I have a cold. The illness does not bother me so much, however, since I used to reside in Minnesota,(you can call it Minn-e-Snow-ta if you would like me to remove some of your favorite facial features with a big rock wrapped in burlap and nails), I was used to catching colds and treating them with a mixture of NyQuil liquid murder juice and Alkeseltzer cold and flu wonder beverage. I soon found myself at the local drug store, my fists packed full of various non-herbal, yet wholey legal, cold and flu remedies. I placed my effervescent swag on the counter, betwixt the shopkeep and my self and used a subtle, reaching for my wallet move I had learned from my father, to alert said shopkeep of my plan to purchase said swag. It was, at this point that I was informed that in the state of California (Cal-I-pornia, if you would like your eye sockets raped by a vicious gang of sex crazed squirrels with electric testicals), you can not purchase more than one cold or flu remedy at one time and if I wished to purchase more than one, I would have to ... I hope you are ready for this... I would have to leave the store and come back in to purchase each additional item. The reasoning being that many of these items can be used to make drugs such as, methamphetamines and Kansas City Cocktails ( a whipped, latte like mixture of several cold medicines and house hold cleaners), that is why I could not purchase my happy, fun, sick no more, sleepy time, remedies. Here is my problem with this, they tell you that these drugs can be mixed to make more powerful drugs, okay, yes, that is why I am purchasing them together, I have a job, I need to work for money, hence, I can not really afford to be sick forever. If I can buy all these drugs together, mix them and not be sick the next day, then I can work and make money and pay rent and eat food and on and on like that. My point is I don't really have a whole lot of time to waste to go in and out of a CVS pharmacy buying my supply of therapies, (which is spelled the same as The Rapies, which sounds like a disease you catch in prison) I have a job to go to. Your average drug dealer, mixologist or junkie, usually doesn't have a steady day job, most of his or her day is pretty much taken up finding, selling or manufaturing drugs for the purpose of using them or selling them. It is just exactly these kinds of people, who do have all the time in the world to go in and out of pharmecy after pharmecy,and just, purchase mixers to their hearts content. I am sure that California is not the only state where this stupidity is in flux and it is certainly not the last so let us, one and all, try to stop it. I think the retail credo should no longer be "The customer is always right" and be changed to something like " The customer is not always a junkie, so gimme my drugs you pimpley faced monosylabic turd juggler before I get upset and drive a gas truck through your front window and burn us all straight to Hell in a ball of cleansing fire that can be seen from the surface of the moon"! Sorry I get angry when I have a cold.
3 comments:
The active ingredient in most of that stuff is alcohol anyway. Anything else is a bit scary. Yes, being a staunch advocate of nothing, I (minimally) like to bring things back to the basics. I say you should skip the middleman and pick up a bottle of George T. Stagg. First of all it is really good, secondly its 142 proof, thirdly it is reasonably priced. I have proven through clinical tests that it will kill the beast that lurks within. You see, many viruses hang out in the lungs. This is the virus hotspot. It is kinda like a virus night club where they can meet other strains of the same virus and “hookup” or mutate, as the kids like to say. If the music is right and the dancing is all night, they can sometimes propagate a strain so unique that it will re-infect a host that was by now immune to the original pranksters (microorganisms, you know who you are). Anyway, the strange thing about these little lung parties is that booze is a bit of a downer. You see, a virus feels less and less sexy the more it is soaked with alcohol. And what’s great about our bodies is that they fast-track alcohol. It zooms through our systems into the blood and throughout our bodies and is respired through our lungs. That’s how a blood alcohol test works, and that’s how virus parties get busted up. You don’t need to be a genius to see that its hard to party when you’re dead.
if what xymyl says is true you should never be sick, i've seen the shit you've put into your body,(orally and otherwise)and it is my firm belief that you should never be sick again. and if you are you should just try to find a place and do what we did our entire lives. sit in a sauna for about an hour and then plunge into a cold lake, i realize that there may not be anything in your precious wussifornia that classifies as a cold......anything but i'm sure if you use your imagination you can achieve the desired result TO DRIVE THEVIL BUGS FROM YOUR SYSTEM THANK YA JESUS. hope you feel better......................................................................................................................................candyass
M~*
"you can call it Minn-e-Snow-ta if you would like me to remove some of your favorite facial features with a big rock wrapped in burlap and nails"
And bones, and glass, and, and FIRE.
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