Mergrand parents, or The story of the whorey fish people.

Xymyl has asked me to uncover the mystery of why you hear of mermen and mermaids but never mer grandparents or merreletives. After extensive research into merpeople, I have come up with to this stunning conclusion, merpeople are filthy redneck whores. That's right, these half human, under water fish sluts are just like their above water cousins, the North American Redneck. If you have ever been to the deep south of our country, you have most likely run into a few of these kinds of people. You will know them either by sight or by smell, rednecks having a very specific color pattern, usually red and blue with a green or bright orange head dress, also they have very distinctive odors along the lines of motor oil and old soup. You may also recognize their plumage as it is usually in a short, feathery pattern on the sides and grown out long in the back, this signifies readiness to mate in a post adolesent redneck male or female. North american rednecks also have a very close knit habitat that tends towards inter-community, if not inter-family breeding habits. In many southern nesting communities it is confusing to many outsiders, even students of the beasts, as to who are the patriarchs and who are the offspring. In a 1994 study of one particular nest outside of Montgomery, Alabama, researchers discovered, that in a span of three months, it was not uncommon for an adult male to cohabitate with as many as four females, on the average two of these would be close blood relatives, it was believed, it is hard to tell exactly, being that they are so, for lack of a better word, inbred. Now as far as it goes with merpeople Xymyl, the facts can intertwine. Merpeople live in very closed in communities at the ocean floor. The plumage is ussually the same, though it tends toward longer, simply because actual trimming of said plumage is difficult under water, metal rusts quickly you see. What makes tracing the lineage of merfolk even more daunting is the fact that, unlike humans, mers have the genitals of fish, so procreation is done, as fish do, by the laying of eggs that the male will later inseminate. Sadly, in this mad undersea man fish sperm orgy, it is not uncommon for the eggs to be fertilized by more than four to five males who are usually intoxicated on the fermented juices of underwater plants, and as in the above water world, many of these mermen are related to the egg layer. These free radicals tend to cause several birth defects and physical incongruities, which sadly, become worse as the generations pass. Also a common factor in the ocean as well as the south is the pollution and contamination, this causes even more distortions of physical attributes. Scientists are now hoping that, by tracking the geneticly altered and mutated merpeople, they will be able to find commonalities in the subsequent generations, using this data to track and record an actual family tree. If mutation tracking is successful, science may finally be able to answer that ancient question,"Who is my merbabies merdaddy"?