Britney Spears shaved her head. Why do I know this?

The fact aside that I haven't even read the news of the day lately, being that it has been all too stupid to read, somehow I am in the possession of an inordinate amount of Britneys shaved head knowledge. I have never been curious as to the Spearsian comings and goings of this Hollywood drama magnate. I really can't even stand the sight of her, she is just a bit to trailer trash for me, mabye she is a merperson. At any rate, I have knowledge of Britneys hair and as detrimental to my own psyche as this may be, it is lodged in my head like a stel spike would be if someone were to lodge a steal spike in my head. I do recall being at my place of work last night as two young ladies discorded about the Hollywood scene, then I remember seeing spots and the smell of burning toast, a slight tinge of pain behind my left eye and then I woke up in my bed. There was some blood dripping from my ear, I can clearly remember my first thought being," Brit shaved her head"? Then nothing again for about an hour. Why is this topic so interesting? I haven't even seen Anna Nicoles autopsy photos yet and everyone is already on to something else, I just don't get it. People just don't have an attention span anymore, they can't stay focused on important matters because they are boring. The boring things tend to be the same things that could cause you a whole lot of unboring trouble in the future, we should watch out more for the boring stuff and discuss less the hair ala Britney. The shear fact that I could absorb this knowledge is beyond my comprehension, yet somehow I did. What is really so strange about a white girl from the south shaving her head anyway? They do it all the time down there, it is not irregular. Wait, I will amend that, the whole of the american south east is irregular. I will now look out my window and point out three things more news worthy that Britneys hair faux pas. 1) Lawn grass, 2) Orange tree 3) Ugly, lumpy nieghbor person, there you are news from my back yard. This is simply a rant that I needed to let out but I have learned some things while typing this rant. First and most importantly, I am out of Liptons cup-o-soup, second, my neighbor is hairy as well and I wish I didn't notice that but it did take my mind off the soup, third, the moment that Marty reads the line, "news from my backyard", he will desperately try to think of a good joke involving my ass. Finally I have remembered that Brit was in the news not so long ago, surrounded by the paparazzi as they caught her in a vulnerable, drunken moment and that is when I realized this, it is not odd that Brit shaved her head, she simply wanted her drapes to match the carpet and she's got marble floors.