Oh God no... talking urinal cakes.
I can not swing the proverbial cat anywhere with out being reminded of the retard quotient in this country. Last night I was surfing the news and found, in none other than the great state of New York, a company is making and distributing, talking urinal cakes. Yes gents, when you pop off for a quick tinkle next time, you may just have some 'splainin' to do, you might just get nagged by your toiletries, a stream of yellow conscience. Ladies and fellas, I am a drinker and proud of it, on nights when I consume an excess of alchohol, I am intellegent enough to realize it and figure out a new way home. I do not need my urinal cake telling me not to drink and drive, infact, at the urinal is one of those places where guys go to get away from the drinks and just mellow out for a while. I can not for the life of me figure that this is a good idea. When you stand there and unzip, one of the last things you expect to hear is a human voice, think of what this will do to all the schitzophrenics of our world, when their penis's start nagging them not to drink too much. Don't we have enough to concentrate on when we wizz anyway? You have people standing behind you waiting impatiently for you to finish and sometimes criticizing your technique, you usually have at least one person next to you, who decides that this would be a perfect opportunity for a chat about the hardships of pee and of course, the now present fact that men go to the bathrooms in groups to talk to each other like clucking hens,(DIE METROSEXUALS, DIE!) there are so many present distractions that I just don't want anymore. I can't see this cutting down on drinking and driving in our country, I can predict a huge rise in urinal cake theft but I believe there is a better solution than talking man brine. There is also the ever present fear of an electric charge, even a minute one, traveling up the stream and zapping your wiley, a fear that has kept me, not pissing on electric things a good chunk of my life.
3 comments:
I wonder if there is any chance that Suri Cruise's bronzed turd has anything to do with this. With all the hot-shot celebrity urinal cake manufacturers out there, you know that some of them have to be Scientologists. How are we to know whether or not they are trying to brainwash us or collect important demographic information? People are very susceptible to subliminal messages when they are urinating. Plus, whatever sections of the urinal you pee in willl be recorded as your answers. And if you are asked something by a urinal cake and you are already "midstream", you can't just stop answering questions. And you know it will all be recorded and sent to John Travolta and Bill Gates. I know, Bill Gates hasn't given any indications that he is a Scientologist, but Buddah wasn't a Buddhist he was a lapsed Hindu. So you know that Bill Gates is getting all the Scientology Urinal Cake Knowledge sent to him through a pneumatic tube. I wonder what he does with all that stuff.
He probably eats it.
Can you imagine being that rich and still eating urinal cake information? I have to admit though, the new Windows ST is awesome!
Odd. Very odd. Both of you are nuts. Somehow I envy this.
here's my thought. the populace of this country does enough stupid shit while piss drunk, eg: kareoke. do we really need, as a society another reason to pour more alcohol down our necks? now don't get me wrong i'm a fan of beer and whiskey (i'm part irish and part indian, trust me i have a propencity to toss a few back now and then.) but if this device is supposed to deterr us from embibing i think it will fail miserably. if at any point i have my john thomas out and i hear a voice imminating from that area' there had better be a woman or at least a good looking catholic priest down there making those noises. if not then the outcome is that i'm going to start drink ing fucking more, deterrant..... i think not.
Post a Comment