Ask Profesor Bjorklund

Welcome to day two of my question and answer series, remember it's not too late to get your questions in so throw me a line and I'll answer your dillema. Todays question is one of significant historical importance, because it takes us back to the more carefree days in a younger, less dangerous country. It comes from a Mr. Marty R. in Hibbing, MN.

Marty writes: What is the best way to approach a complete stranger at a bus stop and lick their eyebrows?

This is an extraordinary question as, in recent decades, greeting strangers by the act of moistening the eyebrows has fallen out of common practice. The history of "Browing" as used to be known, is believed to have originated in ancient Egypt, most likely in the time of the Late Kingdom, circa 342 BC. Then it was common for people to lick each others brows in order to keep them moist so they would not become chapped in the hot desert sun. Browing fell out of practice after the invention of the hat in 132 BC., but then, in late 19th century, London, Egyptology was suddenly all the rage and it became a fad for the arostocracy to dab honey on their eyebrows at social events, allowing others, to lick the sweets from their foreheads, thus mimicking, what they believed, was an ancient tradition. It was not long before the same fad caught on in the streets of london and the common people began using browing in local taverns and shops, usually to make a mockery out of the rich folk. As it goes with any fad, even if it is a joke, sooner or later everyone is doing it and browing was no exception. Soon every man, woman and street urchin was using Browing instead of the handshake, even in Germany, no one was using the "Dusseldorf mustard shpats" any more, Browing, being less complicated and far more hygenic. It wasn't long before browing made it's way to the Americas, where the first reported use of the greeting, was said to be employed by one Mr. Karl Stienenburger a bagle maker in New York City. The story goes, Karl was elbow deep in some particularly sticky bagle dough, when his young wife Ursula came into the shop, not wanting to ruin her dress, Karl simply licked her eyebrows gently, to which Ursula could only reply,"well, that was very european of you darling". Thus Browing came into use in New York and quickly across the country. Browing was widely accepted as the common form of greeting in the more civilized parts of the country but was responsible for countless deaths due to cultural differences in the more untamed west. Many historians believe that this is why Browing fell out of popular culture all together, with so many stories going back east of entire families being slaughtered because someone licked someone else the wrong way. So to answer your question Marty, there is really no acceptable way to Brow a complete stranger, being that it is no longer acceptable in modern culture. Do not fret however, because as we can see by todays fashion trends, history repeats itself and no matter how ridiculous a trend may have been it will, eventually, make a come back.