Rules and etiquette on dating.

Yes, today dear readers I impart upon you , all my knowledge about dating that I have gained in my short five hundred and seventy six year life span. First and foremost, always compose yourself as a gentleman or a lady, this can be done in very simple ways, make sure you are groomed properly for your date. In most social scenes freshly shaved beard, legs, back and forehead are most important, however, if you are dating a lycanthrope, the shaginess may be a boon. A cape is always a good choice for mens apparel, black pants and white shirt, finish it off with a bowtie. Ladies tend to look classy dressed in many ways, I myself prefer late 15th century Gypsy prostitute but wouldn't mind a little of the brittish aristocrat thrown in.Gentlemen, when preparing your home for tthe possiblity of a night cap with that certain someone, I suggest leaving around some magazines in various areas of your entertaining area. I ussually suggest a couple of copies of Maxim or FHM on your coffee table with a Sports Illustrated ontop of them and you should have a copy of Good House Keeping and Martha Stewarts Living hidden, not too inconspicuously, near the other magazines somewhere. You may think this is wierd but it is the first major test. The woman is a curious beast by nature and will take a chance to peruse your magazines the moment you leave the room. Excuse your self to the restroom but really just watch around the corner, if she goes for the Sports magazine, you have a woman who is going to make a great friend and companion but will also balloon to an outrageous 345 lbs. within the first year of a serious relationship. If the it is the mens mags she goes for there are two things to watch for, if she looks at them in disgust and snorts, she is a drama queen and will be constantly looking down her nose at you because you are a degenerate pervo, however if she looks through them and reads them for a bit and looks at the pictures, you either have a woman who is comfortable with herself and other womens bodies, or a woman who is too comfortable with other womens bodies, at that point you have to find a way to determine whether you are just wasting your time with her because she is lying to herself about her sexuality, a good test is to tell her that the Indigo Girls are coming to town because only lesbians like the Indigo Girls! If she finds the home magazine, she will think you are a sensitive man, or gay but if you have a good cover story it will make a great conversation piece for another day. If the Martha mag is the one she chooses and she seams content and happily flips the pages, she is a psychopath and is going to kill you in your sleep because the demons living in the kitchen cabinet told her to, get this woman out of your house. Upon your return, excuse your self for taking so long and tell her you just took a massive, stanky dump, tis test will tell you if she is a fecophiliac, or poo sniffer, always an important thing to know before a relationship can commence. Ladies, on a first date please, make sure you flirt and make eye contact with at least two other men at the bar or restaurant, this will help you gauge whether or not this man can protect his mate and offspring, or if he will just cower away, tail between his legs. Men at the point when you feel intimidated it is important to A: make yourself look big and B: make yourself sound fierce. These two key date survival tactics can be achieved thusly, stand on your chair or nearby table, puff up your cheeks and chest and raise your arms above your head, it would help even more to drape a table cloth or apron between your arms, secondly began hopping up and down rapidly and roar or scream at the intruder. If done well this will be a most effective ploy to save your date from other suiters. Another option, of course, would be to rend their throats with a savage blow and feast upon the essence of them but in dating circles this can be, as the kids say, a downer. If all goes well, you should suggest a night, if she is resistent you may wish to use your hexing gaze to help persuade her, I would not ever suggest GHB or any such drugs as they can thin the blood. If you are successful in getting her to your apartment, you may commence the tests afore mentioned in my article, that way you can decide if she is worthy of being one of your immortal minions, or simply a late night snack for you and the children of the night. Oh yes and ladies one last thing, please wash your neck. I hope this article was informative and helpful, thank you for reading.
sincerely: Vlad III Dracula, Prince of Wallachia.