Dear television, stop being so horrible.

I have had it, don't really know why I continue to watch it but this time I am fed up. What am I refering to? Lemme tell ya. Law and Order SVU, Wednesdays episode was being touted as,"one you don't want to miss". You know what, you did want to miss it, why? Well in the recent form fitting way of all the crime solving series on television lately, they applied a gimmick I call, "wait till all the suspects have been introduced and then, when the show is almost over, bring out the guy who did it". Why do all these shows keep doing this? It is not clever writing in any way, shape or form. You can't bring three possible suspects out in the first half hour of the show, then fifteen minutes before the show ends, bring on the guy who really done it. That is not shocking, that does not blow you away and it certainly does not leave ones head spinning, though you may suffer a mild headache, that is just your brain trying to eat itself. I was raised on crime dramas, Columbo, Sherlocke holmes, Charlie Chan, even Mr. Moto, all classics and very well written. Yes they had their flaws as well but all in all, excellent. I remember sitting next to my dad one day, about six years old, we were watching Basil Rathbone playing Holmes and it just amazed me that he could find clues after someone had tried so hard to hide the crime. Holmes would, at the end of the show, explain how the crime was solved and how he found the clues. It amazed me that I had missed all those clues but I was a child and when I go back now and watch those movies, I realize that the clues were right there in front of me all along. It is just common belief that now, in a world so advanced, we would be able to write so much more intense and realistic crime dramas. No, we are stuck in a rut of plot devices and non-existent technology that our writers use every week to try to make us say,"oh, I didn't see that coming"! Yes I realize old crime dramas had plot devices too, like someone flicking off the lights and in the dark your number one suspect is killed, or a gun gripped by a dissembodied hand slowly gliding from behind a curtain at a crowded restaurant, killing the stoolie who was about to break the case. Those devices added to the suspence and made you go,"awww, he almost said it, or damn, I really thought it was him". Todays plot devices are just the writers saying, we are tired and bored and we never, ever expected this show to run for so long. I am sick of all the CSI shows discovering evidence with science that does not exist. You will see shows where they make a composite of an entire person with two skin flakes and an eyelash,"get me the universal reskinimation dopelgangimaginationer, it will make a perfect three dimensional hologram of our killer". These shows have become tired and boring, no wonder so many people watch reality shows, equaly horrid but at least somewhat believable. All the poorly writen films and television dramas are just more examples of what a lazy, dimwitted and down right retarded society we live in. If you are asking why I watch these shows if I loathe them so much, I would have to say, I don't have cable at the moment and can't watch cartoons all day long. Detective work is rough, hours of graiting paper work, sifting evidence and studying clues while your eyes float around your head on a lake of watered down coffee, yet the dics on TV look so good. Not a hair out of place, with the exception of the once a year cliff hanger episode, the one where a cast member gets shot or kidnapped, oh no, didn't see that coming. You only need three things to commit a crime in this country and get away with it. 1) bleach 2) a good idea of where the cameras are in the crime area or a mask and 3) a slightly tight fitting pair of gloves. Bleach, to clean DNA evidence away, camera positioning or mask to hide your identity or the crime and tight gloves because on jury in America would ever convict someone in slightly tight Isotoners. You could fill an entire season just trying to catch the arch-villian I just typed out for you. Last thought for now, when you have a celebrity geust on your show and he is not a cop but rather, pllaying a janitor or a truck driver, we know he is the criminal, you keep doing it and if anyone is fooled they need to be killed, I got the gloves, you bring the bleach.

I am sorry for the O.J. Simpson glove referance but I thought it fitting, albeit old.

How the hell did Ice-T get a job playing a cop on Law and Order, SVU? That is just too ironic or one hell of a joke.