Hell has a new spokesman.

Waaaaah! What's that? Why, it's the sound of the moral majority crying into the sky, saddened by the passing of Jerry Falwell. Yes on the 15th of may, in the year of our lord 2007, after many years of struggling, Mr. Falwell's smug sense of self worth finally burst from his chest, killing him instantly. His family physician told the media that Mr. Falwell had been fighting with a dangerously enlarged delusion gland and if not treated and reduced, it could put incredible strain on his entire ego-system. Mr. Falwell's youth was not free of problems, in his post college years when he had become the pastor at Thomas Road Baptist Church, the young Falwell was already having trouble with his verbal stupidity inhibitor, which is the part of the brain that keeps you from saying incredibly retarded things. Unfortunately he went undiagnosed, being that he was talking to a large group of Southern Baptists in Virginia, when Mr. Falwell would say something really stupid, it went virtually unnoticed. It was later found, that a virus in the water had damaged a large portion of the verbal stupidity inhibitors in Virginia in the 50's and 60's, today there is still a lot of residual damage. Mr. Falwell was a rabid segregationist in his early life as a preacher, many believed this was from a racist upbringing, however, his autopsy would reveal that he had a short circuited black/green color receptor and he believed that people of color were really Martians and as we all know, the majority of Martians are Satan worshippers, this also explains his expressed love for the"rolling black fields of Virginia".In his later years, while raising money for the PTL and during the fall of James Baker, whom, it should be noted, suffered from many of the same problems as Falwell, He suffered sever damage to his humble valve, which caused his body to over produce vainglory cells. This causes the lungs to over heat, which makes your breath very hot, it never was treated and Mr. Falwell continued to blow hot air everywhere he went, up until his death. In the wee hours of Mat 15th, Mr. Falwell's ego-system finally over loaded, the many years of internal pressure and bursting valves caused his body to finally give in. Now, all that the world can do is mourn his loss and await the golden chariot to come from heaven and take him to his final resting place, there is a cloud up there somewhere, his loved ones are waiting. Now who's bringin' the Compari? Maybe Pat Robertson can bring more if you run out any time soon. Or is that just wishful thinking?


If you don't get the Compari statement, just google, Compari+Falwell.