To celebrate my 100th blog, more zombie survival tips.

When I'm in an interview and am asked that question,"where do you see yourself in five years?", I can never answer. Interviewers rarely, if ever, can handle the, " just hope I survive the zombies five years from now", approach. You see I don't see myself anywhere in five years, that is the kind of person I am. I don't look to the future any further than I can see down the street. I don't have a stock portfolio, no retirement plan, no IRA. You know what I do have? I have all the knowledge you need to survive a zombie attack. I know I have been writing about it a lot lately but hey, come on, zombie survival is no joke. Why do we go around collecting things like furniture and non-flammable alcohol. when we should be collecting guns, swords and high octane propellants? My buddy Joe asked if he should get a phosphorous grenade, Hell yes he should get one, he should get a whole lot of them. Guns? No .25's or .22's, higher caliber guns are in order for maximum stopping power and penetration. If you do have access to one of those high powered mini-guns that fires about a billion bullets per second, you may join my zombie survival team any day. Leather is the best anti-zombie material you can wear, as long as it's breathable, you don't want to get too overheated in the middle of the fight and let them wear you out. Another thing about leather is the fact that it is a classic style that anyone can appreciate even the blood hungry legions of the undead. I am torn between the katana and the claymore as my head chopper. The katana is far more elegant but even a brain dead zombie would be afraid of a hard swingin' claymore. Music is pretty important as well, when I am in a building that is about to be overrun by monsters I want something that really gets me pumped up for violence. Anthrax's Among the Living album is one of my all time favorites to get my energy up but if you want to through me into a real deep blood rage, you should play some Dave Matthews Band or Creed. Really any of those sad, pathetic, whiny bands that keep making albums that, people, somehow keep buying. By playing these albums over and over you could throw me into a killing frenzy that would make a viking berserker that had been drinking absinthe for three days while he did his taxes seem tame in comparison. Ironically, to survive a zombie attack, you may have to turn to cannibalism for nourishment, so it is very important to travel with, at least one vegan. I know they are annoying and cry a lot but you will thank me after fifteen minutes per pound. I know some of you are wondering if it is okay to have sex with really hot zombies, the answer to this is a stern, maybe. I can say this though, that zombie would have to be smokin' hot, we're talking Kira Knightly zombie here. You still gotta watch out for the flesh eating though and remember, zombie no means zombie no! Now you know my many rules for zombie survival but what can a zombie attack teach us as human beings? Think of what we could learn. How many volts of electricity does it really take before human eyes melt? How fast would a pair of folded up Lee tough skin jeans have to be fired to actually travel through a human body? do zombie women think money is more important than a really juicy brain? Would the zombies in the south just starve to death or simply migrate? How far can you huck a 200 pound body using all the rubber bands at your local Staples? You see, I have way too much on my mind to think about where I will be in five years.

This was post 100 thank you all for reading my crap.