America. The worlds stupid, angry, fat kid.

I have had a spot of trouble today coming up with a topic, that is until it dawned on me that it has been a while since I really took the piss out of my country. You see, I enjoy digging around on the internet and finding little tidbits of this and snipits of that, you never know when you will be attacked and threatened by a homocidal maniac, with a weakness for Trivial Pursuit and will need to by your life with six tiny pie pieces. In my perusal of the chicken carcass that is the multimedia world, I sometimes come across the tasty giblets of triviality that make my life so liveable. Here are some recent for instances that I think you may enjoy. The average yearly salary of Starbucks hourly employees, From the last Fortune top 100 companies list, was $35,680.00, which if far more that any of the big four american retailers ( one of which rhymes with, gnome repot), which average out less than $17,000.00 per year. There are no jaywalking laws in the United Kingdom, the authorities holding people and drivers to a code of personal responsability, in at least five U.S. states jaywalking is a jailable offense, handcuffs and all. I thought this was very interesting, in 2006 America had a two percent dip in housing costs, at the exact time banks mysteriously raised thier mortgage rates by an average of 4.2% making it more expensive to buy a cheaper house. In 2006 the average price of a median level home was $245,000.00 meaning you would need to make a yearly wage of $85,000.00 to afford the mortgage. No hourly workers on the Fortune top 100 companies made over $85,000.00 last year, ( that is an average, however but as acurate as I could find) the top company coming in at just under $84,500.00 yearly. Since January 1st 2007, the city of New Orleans has had seven murders, the police have been slow to act citing gang on gang crime as the problem, even though most of the victims have been residents with no gang affiliations. In the last major U.S. census of fatties, 62% of adults and 34% of children were reported to be obese, nation wide we are becoming a wide nation. So far the war in Iraq has cost the american taxpayers three hundred fifty billion dollars just think of all the Starbucks employees we could have gotten for that amount of cash. There is actually a city named Grundy, it's in Virginia and if you put the town next to the state, it kinda sounds like a doctors explanation of an old prostitutes crotch. Sixty percent of the worlds lawyers operate in America, and over 30,000 more graduate yearly. Dick the butchers little speech in Henry VI "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers"! Is not such a farcical idea as it once was. I searched for some valid education statistics but I couldn't really find much, SAT scores are falling...etc but all you really have to do is look around in any public place and you can see for yourselves that our country is full of stupid, ignorant, poorly educated mock humans, simply ambling through thier daily lives. I am no super genius but I can see where we are all headed, a nation of homeless, obese, violent, dimwitted, retail employees just waiting for the chance to roll over and expose our soft bellies to our upper middle management overlords, so angry, so filled with rage but also filled with so many cheap, fatty donuts.

and now. a poop joke. Q: Why did the feces cross the road?

A: because the monkey threw it at the chicken.