Ask Commissioner Bjorklund

Today we have an anonymous legal question, so let's go right to it.

From Anon: Dear Mr. Bjorklund, what is your stance on capitol punishment?

A good question indeed, and I am relatively certain that the person who wrote this question is not a personal friend of mine, nor have they ever met me. If they had, they would already know my views on such an issue, I am for it. Not pro death penalty in simple murder cases alone mind you, I am for it in a wide and multifaceted spectrum. I, of course, think it is rediculous to keep serial killers alive and kicking, Gacy, Dahmer and their ilk. Really a cut and dry deal, isn't it? I mean, when you were a kid and your mom caught you pilfering cookies with your arm elbow deep in the jar, you were punished, immediately and with out any real trial. Your hand was full of cookies, you took said cookies, guilty, end of story, a quick smack in the face and off to your room. So, when a killer is found with his hand stuck in the body jar, that should be that, caught red handed... dead! John Gacy had over twenty bodies in his basement and back yard and he lived for years on death row, he even got paints and was allowed visitors. My stance on that is, " some one should have had the decency to shoot him in the face". Mabye that is the farmboy in me saying that but, really, how do you justify keeping people like that alive for years on death row, even Gacys lawyers tried to say the deaths were all accidental, over twenty people dead from random auto-erotic asphyxiation mishaps? Hmmmmm, I gotta say that is a bit iffy, I could see one or two, hell who doesn't have the skeleton of a former lover that you accidentally strangled to death during foreplay in their closet? More than five is just ludicrous, however, shame on the lawyers for that garbage. I do understand that we are not in a world with a perfect judiciary system, so if the case is a bit weak I can understand appeals and am willing to work around them. Now various death penalties that should also be carried out are as follows; anyone who takes more than one minute to decide what they want at IN-N-OUT Burger, dead! The producer of anything Paris Hilton related, also anyone who emulates said Hilton, dead! The people who keep adding rules to football to keep the players from being hurt, dead! The guy who revs his expensive italian sports car at the stop light so people will look at him, dead and piddled on! I could continue on with this but to summerize, I think that most people on the planet would improve with a little bit of killing, even myself, at times am probably annoying enough to just slaughter. In answer to your question Anon., yes I am pro death penalty but I am more fond of the newer ideas about extremely late trimester abortions, say thirtieth and higher, by the time someone is in their late teens you should have an inkling as to whether or not that child was a good idea or just a drunken backseat accident in which case you just lure them into a room with a giant vacuum and, tah dah no more teen.