Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I will not follow you Francois-Louis Cailler.

Sorry everyone, just having one of those days, brain not working in all it's normal glory. I think it started at six A.M., I had been haveing the hardest time sleeping, just couldn't get over it, had a couple beers to wind myself down but no matter what I tried, I just couldn't fall asleep. Tossing and turning, flipping and flopping, sleep would just not happen for this tired old loon. Food didn't do the trick, a nice big glass of milk? Not even a yawn. That is when it hit me, the thing that had been bothering me all night, the gnawing thing behind my eyes that would not let me rest was this. Why is there four different languages that you can take a drivers test in, in the state of California? It's true! You can take your test in english, spanish, an asian language that I have not pinned down yet and a language that, I can only assume, is ferengi. Why does this disturb me so, why would I lose sleep over such a matter? I will tell you, you won't like it and you may call me a racist but here it is. I fear that America has lost it's way, that in the face of a world economy, that our government has decided to bend over backwards and take the easy way out. Allowing any large amount of people who move or visit the country to assimilate there own culture and language into our society. I think you know where I am going with this everyone, so I will just say it and face the music. I believe our country is on it's way to becoming... Switzerland! That's right, Switzerland! Those latte swilling, chocolate chomping, mountain hopping, yodel monkey, god how I hate them. Prancing around all day and night spouting off about thier three official languages and thier skiing proficiencies, hey Switzerland, France is on the phone, they want thier snobbiness back! Is this what you want for your progeny America? Picture, if you will our nation, twenty years in the future, cities bursting with ridiculously red cheeked chidren, faces smeared with Toblerone and lost innocents, while thier fathers lay forgotten in the gutters nursing away a two day Ricola bender. How the mothers shall weep for thier husbands and offspring, as minty tears stain the sleaves of thier enourmously puffy blouses, and one more thing Switzerland, what's with all the neutrality? Who do you think you are, Sweden? Well, I for one can not accept it, I am mad as hell and I'm just not gonna take it anymore! America should be a land of one language, as it always has, and it's people should not even speak that language correctly, this is the American way. Let us huddle together true Americans, go to your local DMV and chuck out all the non-english literature you find, if you have any doubts, say it looks english but you can't pronounce it, chuck that in the muck as well, no point taking chances. Then send a letter to your congressman, wait that would be counterproductive to my idea, throw a rock at your congressman with a picture of your ass in a kind of full moon. I think he'll get the picture and we will all stand together and shout as a country, " Screw you Swissy, we are America, monolingustic, barely monosylabic, and damn proud of it"!


As a side note: How can we have drivers tests in three or four different languages in many states, when all the road signs are in english? I get the distinct feeling that some how, some way the heavily taxed lower middle class is getting screwed by this, just a hunch. good day.

If you are wondering about my title, google the name and it will make sense, or as much sense as anything I write.

1 comment:

scarletharlot said...

The US going Swiss. God help us. As if there aren't enough things that make you want to poke out your eyes rather than look at them (i.e. reality t.v., the breakfast crowd at most Waffle Houses) or things you'd rather weld your ears shut than listen to (i.e. most 'pop music', tel-evangelists) imagining a large amount of lederhosen and yodeling dumped into the mix? I don't think I could drink or smoke enough to numb myself...