What is your fashion style?
You know, I am fine with the fact that I live in a fashion vacuum. I understand quite clearly, that the clothes I choose to wear, Jeans and T-shirts, pretty much exclusively, are no longer accepted by many people to be what to wear in California. So I was shocked when a girl from a local hospitality industry magazine, came to my bar and asked me what I had to say about "bouncer fashion". I kid you not, bouncer fashion. It took me a second to think about it and I think she recognized my confusion so she followed up with, "yeah, what do you guys do to stay fashionable?" Still stupefied by this woman and wondering if she was just yankin' me or trying to figure out some god-awful icebreaker, all I could think of was telling her that I chose my clothing very carefully so I would be totally prepared in the event of a full on zombie holocaust. The young lady seemed to think I was teasing her, she gave me that 'you're a jerk' look, that I tend to get from so many women, probably because I am a jerk and she walked away. Well, besides the obvious problems I have with bouncers being fashionable, I am appalled by the fact that she didn't want to discuss zombie survival tips with me. I personally, am fond of blue jeans, for the comfort and durability you need when fleeing the walking dead. T-shirts breath well, and they tend to be tough and absorbent which is a must, being that you will probably need to ward off bites and scratches, plus the cotton should soak up a lot of the zombie saliva, so you won't have to worry about it seeping into any open cuts and contaminating your blood stream. Boots? Hell yes boots. You really don't want to be caught in anything flimsy, or open toed when there is a chance a creeping torso will bite off your big toe, making you lose your balance, stride and vertical leaping ability, might as well just pin a sign to your chest that says zombie chow. Now another good choice is a hoodie, or a Dickie's work jacket, they are both tough, easy yo clean and above all warm. You may end up on the roof of a building for a while and even in California, those rooftops can get mighty chilly. Pockets are a must as well, food, water, extra ammo, you need to carry lots of things, while still keeping your hands free to wield your weapon of choice, be it a shotgun, or some sort of sword, even a wheat scythe is acceptable in a zombie attack just make sure you have plenty of swinging room. A Mag-lite flashlight is useful but not completely necessary, it is good for bashing skulls but zombies tend not to be bothered by bright lights, their vision doesn't work in the human sense and it is more or less just an impulsive light sensing field effect. avoid wearing anything that smells like a human brain, most after shaves and mens colognes are created using a base chemical that is found in human nervous systems, also, do not carry brains with you while you try to escape, these may seem like harmless souvenirs at the time but they go south fast and can be extremely detrimental to your survival. Gloves and sunglasses, to keep gore out of your eyes and off your skin but also to look cool too. That about covers my blog on zombie survival fashion etiquette, so I will leave you with these final thoughts, "ditch the infected and always shoot for the head"! Happy surviving.
2 comments:
Thanks for the fashion tips. I’ve never been concerned about zombie a uprising so there are a few things I was totally unaware of. First of all, the brains, I didn’t know zombies ate brains. Frankly --and I’m hoping that I don’t come across as a complete yokel -- I had no clue that zombies even ate.
Also, I’ve never been a slave to fashion. I dress for comfort. On any given day you are likely to find me wearing very baggy shorts and a tee shirt. Pretty much your typical Arizona drinking attire. My shorts generally have many pockets, and my tee shirt generally says “nothing” on it (on exciting rare occasions my shirt says “Arrogant Bastard” or “Surly” or another great beer or brewery name). My shorts are for holding beer or a flask of whisk(e)y, or bottled water and pencils, knives, collapsable tableware, flash drives, my iPod, and other alcohol-centric compu-survivalist paraphernalia.
I do like to keep a “hoodie” on hand as well, but the pack goes in the shorts, the panniers on my bike, or in my notebook backpack (which I cleverly throw over one shoulder when I’m walking so I don’t look like a geek).
I guess if I have a style, it is based on functionality without looking obsessed with functionality. I have the capability of being quite stylish, but when I do that, I prefer to set the style then leave it for the rabble. Though, for the rare times that I do wear bluish jeans, I have returned to very baggy jeans. I stopped for years but always felt out of my skin.
And last of all, I must admit that if I had the ching, I would be very stylish always, but I can’t afford my tastes. I probably have the best taste of anyone on the planet. But being of such good taste, I also realize that money is very tacky, plus, people do things to their money, unspeakable nasty things. Money is dirty and tacky. Remember when I used to wash all my money? Crazy times.
Hey Joe....
Nothing fucks with the mind more than hyperbole.Your fashion is... well, non-fashion. Me thinks you are a
non-fascist as well, but I digress.
Well..By reading your posts, we will be better off talking in person...LOL
You fashion maven, you! ! LOL
You must have been wearing designer jeans!!!
Post a Comment