Finally some deep politics.

I could not answer this one alone so I brought in help. First, Oliver Campbell Professor of Sociology at (college deleted), next we have Marian Billsley, Head of 'Womens equality in Commerce', a slowly growing national organization and of course, myself.

Marty from Hibbing, MN., writes: I would like you to address the esoteric hierarchy of the modern males individuality in the democratic situations plaguing this country today.
also about how much you like boobs.

JB: Well that is indeed a rough topic. I personally do feel that man's position as man, is slowly slipping away in our modern world. It seems to me that masculinity is shunned and anyone portraying said masculine characteristics is mocked as a red neck of a sexist pig. I have been worried about this idealism for many years, being a comedian and a writer with a flair for the masculine, I get worried that my ideas will not come across because people will see me as a stupid hick no matter how elegant or verbose my speech. So, I guess what I am trying to ask here and, this is a question for you Professor, are you a boob man or more of a butt and leg guy?

Prof: What? I don't think that is really a fitting topic, especially with a lady present. I would prefer we stuck to the lead topic.

JB: Ah I see, it would seem that the Professors tasted veer from the standard of visual attraction. Ms. Billsley, what do you think the professors filthy sexual kink is?

MB: I don't know him but I did get the feeling that he has been looking at my shoes and my purse quite a bit since he sat down.

Prof: I was admiring the quality of the leather, that is all. Anyway, what does that have to do with the topic?

JB: Oh I am sorry but you being an obvious leather fetishist maybe even a retifismist, (I think I made that word up but it is shoe fetishists) has a lot to do with the topic. Leather and shoes are to you what boobs and butts are to most men.

MB: I like big ones...

JB, Prof: What's that?

MB: I like big breasts, some nights my boyfriend and I will go to a strip club, we pick out the girl with the biggest bigguns and he just watches while I Mickey Mouse motorboat my way to bliss.

Prof: How does you boyfriend respond to this?

MB: How else? He gets a kick out of it, he loves it, really keeps the relationship fresh.

Prof: He doesn't get jealous when he sees this side of you come out?

MB: No, does your wife get jealous when you go shoe shopping with her?

Prof: Not that it is your affair but I am no longer allowed to go to shoe stores, there was an incident. Can we just get back on topic please?

JB: Certainly, sorry, now Ms. Billsley, I hope that, when you say big, you don't mean fatty and lumpy but instead large, firm and in direct defiance of Newtonian law.

MB: Oh yes definitely, big though, they gotta be big.

Prof: What has this got to do with anything? It is sexist and off the subject, you are defining women by breast size not by what is in their head or heart but by what is on their chest. What you are doing is sad, immoral and thoroughly misogynistic. Well I will not listen to anymore of this. I thought we were going to discuss a social issue and not banter on about some sick sexual perversions, therefore I will take my leave, good day. (Prof gets up and walks out of the room in a huff)

MB: Isn't it a bit weird to tell a woman that likes the company of other women a misogynist?

JB: Yes, and I think that brings me to the point. Men in our society are becoming too touchy feely. They worry constantly about offending people and hurting feelings. Well as long as your alive and for some, well into your death, you will offend people and as far as hurting feelings, you can't hurt what you don't have. When I was a child it was an accepted fact that, eventually you would grow out of about 75% of your feelings and emotions. That is how you deal with a life that is full of pitfalls and trouble. All the guys now with their metro-sexual strangeness and the emo mystique freak me out and worry me. One of the big reasons I do not want children, is because they would have to grow in a society that would not allow them to be them, also I don't want anyone ruining my stuff and that's what kids do. At any rate, and this is just me saying this but guys that don't like boobs are kinda scary. I love boobs, knockers, ta-tas, big jobs, fun bags, dirty/naughty pillows, milk jugs, hooters, jumblies...etc, etc... They are one of the things that make a man glad he is a man and loving them doesn't make you a redneck, a 78' T-top Trans Am on blocks in your yard makes you a redneck.

MB: I couldn't have put it better myself, I just bought a booby bar down the road would you like to come and see my investment in action?

JB: And how Ms. Billsley, and how.....