A wedding announcement

To the friends and family of President George W. and First Lady, Laura Bush.

We are happy to announce the engagement of our daughter Jenna Welch Bush to her long time boyfriend Henry Hager, son of Virginia Republican party chairman, John Hager. The wedding is planned to be in the White House Rose Garden. Once the wedding date is set, there will be a reception planned after words at the Washington D.C. Community Rec. Center, Where George is planning a buffet style BBQ, as well as a full service open bar to those who pass the security screening. There will also be a 'Texas tailgate' style party in back of the Rec. center but that is BYOB, Attorney General, Alberto Gonzales will be at the tailgate party as well, George really loves to show off his " Mexican buddy that doesn't talk all funny"' as George likes to put it. We are all really excited about this wedding and hope that it will be on the scale of Princess Diana's wedding to Prince Charles. Jenna will of course be wearing a traditional white dress and friends of hers from college are asked to keep the comments and jokes about this to a minimum. Most of the wedding will be traditional in fact, except for the parts George feel need to be changed for the protection of the home land. I will run some of these down so you will not be too shocked at the ceremony. First, do not be surprised by the heightened security, body cavity searches and 'sniffer' dogs are standard at any D.C. wedding. No liquids such as hair gel, breath freshener and lotion will be permitted in side the wedding compound. In the ceremony, when the priest asks if anyone objects to the wedding, objections are actually forbidden. Anyone who does object will be immediately jailed and have their property and assets seized immediately. The couple are planning on writing their own vows and, pending approval from Fox News lawyers and the White House press office, those vows will be spoken at the wedding. The part were the priest tells the couple that they are "bound in the eyes of God", will be rephrased as " now have become one, bound by the writ of the Homeland, hageln zum Vaterland, hageln zum Lieter, springen durch Aufgabe, Grenze durch Gesetz. After the ceremony Condoleza Rice will lead the attendees in prayer while George will have all the gifts scanned, looking for bombs, drugs, dangerous items and cookies, he likes cookies. The newly weds will then be driven through the poorer parts of D.C. where they will be shown to the public so they can see what life is like when you try to improve yourself, or when you are born with a silver spoon in your mouth. Then it's off to the reception. After the reception George will be taking several members of Congress and the Senate as well as representatives of Big Business out on the town for what he calls " a good old Texas tit party". We hope to see you at the wedding, if you are not there we will consider you a threat to the nation and you will be spending time in Gitmo. Thank you for your time.